The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU – rather than German (the other possibility previously under consideration). As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules, which would apply to the language and reclassify it as “EuroEnglish”.
The agreed plan is summarized below:
In year 1, the soft ‘c’ will be replaced by ‘s’ :
Sertainly, this will be a selebrated improvement from virtually everyone’s perspective.
Also, the hard ‘c’ will be replased by the letter ‘k’.
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
A growing publik enthusiasm in expekted in year 2
when the troublesome ‘ph’ is replaced with the fonetically simplified ‘f’.
This will reduse the labor intensity of spelling ‘fotograf’ by a full 20%.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful
and that the combined European language should eliminat them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing
‘th’ with ‘z’ , and ‘w’ with ‘v’ (saving stil mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining
‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls of difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!! VE VIL AL SPIK LIK EUROPEANS !!
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